All posts by jinxophrenic

About jinxophrenic

A woman with multiple thoughts. Very random thoughts. I love the color white.

Depression


It really hits me hard, this epidemic called Depression.
I thought I already lost it, but it’s still haunting me.
Freedom is what I need.
Independence is what I seek.
I’m living for 28 yrs now.
And where am I.
I’m useless.
I’m worthless.
I’m nowhere to be found.
I’m nothing.
I just want to end everything.
I’m tired.
I just want to end it all.
I’m hopeless.
I just want to kill myself.
I’m scared.
This depression is kicking in too hard.
I just want to be alone.
I want to get away from here.
If only I can be invisible.
If only I could fly.
Let me get away.
Let me be me.
I’m so tired.
So freakin’ tired.
Depression is pulling me closer.
Closer to the dark.
Help.
.

Advertisements

Alone, really?


Having my nails done.
Outside I see a carousel.
People passing by.
Toddler, teens, adult..
Married, single, committed..
Friends, partner, family..
How come I’m alone…

The lady just cut something, it hurts.
The carousel just stopped.
Still, people passing by.
Toddler, teens, adult…
Married, single, committed..
Friends, partner, family..
How come I feel alone…

My nails’ almost done, all clean and looking good..
The carousel moves again, round and round…
Still, people passing by.
Toddler, teens, adult..
Married, single, committed..
Friends, partner, family..
Then someone came, looking at me..
There you are, my dear, let’s go home…

Watch “Kelly McGonigal: How to make stress your friend” on YouTube


Kelly McGonigal: How to make stress your friend: http://youtu.be/RcGyVTAoXEU

I’m supposed to be sleeping right now. But, recently, I’m enjoying listening to youtube videos that show talks from great speakers etc. Talks about life, love and all.

This one’s by far the best speech I’ve heard. She emphasized how stress can be helpful to us. And that is by how you think of it in a positive way. Her words are so meaningful that it creates a whole lot of positivity in me. This will help you understand how our thoughts become a powerful tool in making us enjoy life and be the best that we can be – emotionally and socially.

Hear it and I hope it lets you feel the same way it did to me. This is too great not to share to all of you.

Like I Said, Would You?


Like I said, I’m doing good.
Like I said, everything’s alright.

Sometimes people tend to dig your words too deep that would let you either take their shovel and put it in their mouth or just let them do what they want as they open you up and try to take part of what’s inside of you.

Like I said, everything’s alright.
Like I said, I’m doing good.

It’s not bad to let them be a part of you. It’s not bad to be reserved too. With all these, it’s a matter of the word TRUST. The choice is yours to make. Would you let them in? Or would you just take it all in… on your own?

Like I said, I’m doing good.
Like I said, everything’s alright.

Hey, would you like to hear me out tonight?

Two-faced Her


Sometimes people won’t notice…
Sometimes people won’t realize…
How some people feel,
How some people think.
With the smiles she shows,
With the tears she hides.
You won’t notice,
You won’t realize…
She’s smiling outside,
Yet, hurting inside…

Always Be My Baby


http://open.spotify.com/track/2aBxt229cbLDOvtL7Xbb9x

I always find this song so sweet. I don’t know, but this song really hits me everytime I hear it. There was a time when I felt in love and felt like it would be forever. I hope I’d feel that way again…

Bewildered. Scary. Thought I’m Gonna Die. Stay Safe.


I just had a very weird/traumatic experience, almost causing my life. Not sure if I was just paranoid or what, but, seriously, I thought it would be my last moment on earth.

It was almost 1AM when I left the office to go home. Just like the usual night – riding a jeepney (coz it’s much cheaper than riding a bus or taxi), thinking if I’ll be eating once I reach home, check my phone and sleep. It was just like an ordinary night. So, I rode a jeep, sat beside the driver at the front, paid the fare. There were a lot of people at the back – just the usual passengers – nothing unusual or whatsoever. You see, just like my ordinary night.

Then there was this man wearing a pink polo, bald, like he’s on his late 30’s, has his black backpack and a black sling bag. He sat down beside me and I found nothing extraordinary in him. Just keeping a straight stare on the road but being alert at the same time. No matter how occupied I am (thinking about office stuff and all), I make sure that I’m attentive enough to observe my surroundings.

I’ve been noticing that he keeps on doing something with his shirt. I also noticed that he kept looking at me. I just gave him the benefit of he doubt but I’ve been trying to move away from him as much as possible. You see, the space is really limited. The jeep is not that big besides the driver uses the clutch that’s in the middle of the vehicle so I really can’t move that much away from him – I was sitting at the middle.

So, I’m almost reaching my stop, like just 5-10 mins more and I’ll be alighting the vehicle, when I felt the guy’s left arm really ‘feeling’ my right arm. I didn’t think it was weird at first because again, the space is really constricted. But after I move myself a bit away from him, he asked the driver to stop as he’ll be alighting. Then after that, I suddenly felt something weird. It’s like I’m having short breaths, can’t really feel my heart beating, my mind is slowly going berserk. I mean, I was trying to control it because I was thinking that I’m having palpitations which I’ve experienced before. But, it was different. I was really trying to assess myself if I’m really having palpitations or not. I didn’t even drink coffee so, it’s not palpitation. And besides, my hands were slowly shaking and I’m slowly feeling dizzy and thinking I might faint anytime. Seriously, it’s not palpitation. Afraid of losing my consciousness, I kept myself breathing hard, shakingly pulled out my phone (though it’s really hard to do coz someone might snatch it, I just don’t have any options) and called my father. I asked him to meet me at McDonalds where my stop will be and take me home. Thankfully I was reaching the place so still tried to contain myself. But seriously, I’m in the verge of passing out and my hands are literally shaking. When I alighted the jeep, I was like dumb-founded and couldn’t think of anything but to go inside McDonalds.

I almost tripped when I went inside as I was really feeling dizzy though I still tried to compose myself. I really thought that I’m gonna die or pass out. Thinking of those recent modus operandi where taxi drivers spray some drug to make their passenger passout to rob them and those people who injects something to their victim and make them passout, I was really hardly making myself calm and breathe properly.

When I was inside the restaurant, I was talking to my father who’s asking me what happened and where I was exactly. I looked outside and to my surprise, I saw the exact same guy I was sitting beside to at the jeep awhile ago. I told my father about it, but, I was hesitant at some point to let him know that it was really the same guy because he might do something once he got there. And that I might be wrong. But I really do believe that it’s him. Several minutes after, I looked again outside and he was not there. I didn’t see where he went so I still stayed inside. Then, my father came and my hands are still shaking. I really couldn’t answer him back in a normal way as well as I was stuttering and my mind is blank. I don’t know why.

Thankfully, we reached home safely and nothing happened. It was the first time I experienced such thing since the 4 years of doing that routine of going home. I’m still trying to cope up with it right now and thinking what really did happen and how the hell I suddenly felt like passing out.

Thank God, I didn’t faint. Thank God nothing happened. Thank God we’re safe. I’m safe. But please, let there not be any drug sprayed on me or injected on me.

Stay safe everyone.

Write Starts.


image

So I was wondering if there are books that would help me improve my writing skills. Searched the whole bookstore and found this! It’s just a pretty thin book which says that it would ‘stimulate’ me write about anything.

image

If you’ll look at the back cover, it would really get you interested in buying it. (I dunno, maybe for me. Haha.)

image

So I was just scanning the back cover thinking that “Oh, maybe there’d be an explanation on how you’ll answer such tricky questions. Letting you understand how would you write a response in a creative and effective way.” And the price was like 499 Philippines Pesos, though it was kinda pricey, I still bought it thinking that it would be really interesting to read (but there was a surprise when I paid at the counter, so wait for it. Hah!).

Now, I opened the book and to my surprise, I found almost-blank pages with questions in every page!

image

image

image

And I was like, ‘What the! Heung heung heung…what! So…are you kidding!?’ Well, maybe I did’t read the back part seriously, because technically, it somehow explained the content of it. Yes, somehow. (Maybe I’m not smart enough to understand what was written!? Lol. Am I!?)

Seriously, the questions are the most absurd questions you’ll ever have. It’s funny, but, I think I’d enjoy answering it. Though it didn’t meet my expectations – you know having lenghty of explanations, essays and all, but I’m sure it’ll hone my imagination and writing skills. I guess. Well, I’m kinda sure that it will.

So there. So much for my funny encounter with this interesting book. Good thing though! I got it at a discounted price! From 499, I got it at 175!!! (Yattah!!!)

I’ll share my answers soon once I got it done. Can’t wait!

~Ciao

Zombie apocalypse strikes World Cup


I just got currently hooked with World Cup and just surprisingly learned about this issue. People don’t do weird things just because they like to. Once is enough but, this issue keeps on repeating and it’s not okay. He seriously needs help.

Progressive Culture | Scholars & Rogues

Suarez bites again. And it isn’t funny. No, seriously, it’s not. Stop laughing!

Serial biter Luis Suarez of Uruguay took a hunk out of Italian defender Giorgio Chiellini’s shoulder in today’s 1-0 win over the Azzurri.

With FIFA certain to review the incident, it appears that Suarez may have bitten off more than he can chew.

View original post 424 more words